I have seen the future of the NFL, and all the players are dogs, and it is good.
Despite home-field advantage, the Philadelphia Eagles weren’t favored to win their playoff game against the Atlanta Falcons on Saturday. Starting quarterback Carson Wentz had suffered a season-ending injury in December, and so the Eagles had to rely on backup Nick Foles. Though Foles had a shaky start, the Eagles combined a little bit of good luck with a fantastic defensive performance to come out on top, winning 15-10.
The game may have seemed like a throwback to the league’s low-scoring, smashmouth days of yore. However, it actually portends an exciting, though frightening future: an NFL overrun by adorable dog-men (who may or may not be monsters and an insult to our natural order).
AdvertisementWhen the refs blew the final whistle on Saturday, Philadelphia offensive line”man” Lane Johnson removed his helmet to reveal his true self.
AdvertisementUnderdogs? Lane Johnson has something to say about that. #Eagles pic.twitter.com/f5Im9hnMRq
— Dan Levy (@DanLevyThinks) January 14, 2018
Some may argue that Johnson is actually wearing a mask, and that this was an elaborate visual joke—a play on how his team were underdogsto the Falcons. That argument is silly. I mean, look at him—that’s a 310-pound, German shepherd-headed creature who is forced to play football for our amusement. There’s no other way to explain it.
Advertisement Advertisement AdvertisementAdvertisementLane Johnson is back to talking with the media (connor_j_hughes/IG) pic.twitter.com/rXTpMVjrNN
— Busted Coverage (@bustedcoverage) January 14, 2018
The NFL is a copycat league. If one team finds success with exotic formations or situational reads (like the run-pass option), other teams will inevitably imitate them. Now that Lane Johnson has won an NFC Divisional round playoff game as a tragic castoff from The Island of Dr. Moreau, look for football’s sharpest minds to follow.
This is a gift for the NFL. The league has been mired in bad vibes and unwelcome press all season. If the players and coaches morph into cuddly canine-homo sapienhybrids, all that will be forgotten. It’s so simple, even Roger Goodell won’t be able to mess it up.
There are downsides, of course, like how a man-dog football league will eat into Puppy Bowl’s viewership. More pressing is the fact that football is a violent sport, and no one wants to see dogs get hurt. Still, all these guys knew what they signed up for when a twisted madman in his dark and horrid laboratory spliced their DNA with that of a dog’s. That’s just football, baby.
Tweet Share Share Comment相关文章
Apple iPod: The First 10 Years of the Ubiquitous Media Player
#ThrowbackThursday: The iPod is one of the most iconic devices of the 21st century and the product t2024-09-21- 4月22日,中国平安宣布签署《联合国环境规划署金融倡议可持续保险原则》(PSI,下称“<可持续保险原则>”),成为中国大陆首家签署《可持续保险原则》的公司。《可持续2024-09-21
杨汉春:必须摒弃非洲猪瘟与生猪产业共存的幻想,不根除将永无宁日
杨汉春:必须摒弃非洲猪瘟与生猪产业共存的幻想,不根除将永无宁日_南方+_南方plus近期,疫情再度侵扰养猪业。非洲猪瘟是严重影响我国养猪业的头号疫病,目前形势有何变化?2023年12月11-13日,第2024-09-21- 本报讯12月5日,海医会政策解读下基层会议在雅安召开,海峡两岸医药卫生交流协会以下简称:海医会)副秘书长罗荣,省、市医保部门和雅安市人民医院以下简称:市人民医院)相关负责人出席会议。本次会议由海医会主2024-09-21
Tesla reveals Cybertruck has sold more than DeLorean
If you want to know how many Cybertrucks Tesla has sold, just wait for the next recall. Two months a2024-09-21- 3月5日,一艘满载进口化肥的船舶刚靠泊青岛港码头,青岛大港海关关员马上登轮进行船舶和船员检疫、水尺鉴重等检验检疫作业,对进口化肥实施快速验放。仅在此前一天的3月4日,青岛港国际物流有限公司报关人员衣文2024-09-21
最新评论